Please Help Me, I Went to Cabelas With My Wife and Kids!

To some of you hardcore hunters, fishermen and general outdoor enthusiasts, traveling to the "Worlds Foremost Outfitter" with the wife and kids in tow would simply be insanity. I know, I know, some of you have wifes who give a trip to Cabela's a WAF (Wife Approval Factor) of 10. But most of you don't and a kitchen pass is in order.

Now, my wife is a good wife, and I would go just about anywhere with her. Just to prove my case, when she worked a Victoria's Secret and they remodeled the store, the ladies thought it would be a good idea to have all the boyfriends and husbands come up and help restock. No, there weren't any "trying-on" sessions; it was work. These chicks had us guys practically go through a class in order to learn how to fold a bra the Vici's Secret way! I learned, I folded, I stayed almost all night. That's dedication! So I feel like I earned an unlimited pass to places like Cabela's; I don't care if the folding session was almost fourteen years ago! So, she let me go, and I insisted that she come along.

Now, my kids are, well, kids. They had managed to get in trouble before we even started out on the trip. Yea, it takes better than an hour in the car to get to the store. We implemented a new discipline routine just recently and this trip would test it to the max. It works like this. The kids want an allowance and we want them to think about things before they do them and to obey. So, we give them the allowance, but instead of earning it through chores alone, the amount is placed in a cup in quarters. Each time a disrespectful word is spoken, or minor obedience infractions take place, a quarter is removed from the amount. Heh-heh, sometimes that can add up quickly. Scenes from the Breakfast Club pop into my mind... "Are you finished!? No! Do you want another!? Yes!," you get the picture. The trip went like that. On the bright side, I made back a couple of dollars and we weren't even there yet!

Once we arrived and made it into the store, ooooooh, look at that setup for turkey huntin'. I was mesmerized. Suddenly, the kids playing hide and seek in the rounders and playing with the vests faded into the din of the store....it was a hunters paradise. "What the hell was that?!" I was suddenly popped back into reality as one of the junior hunters obviously mistook me for some large game animal, perfectly placing a head shot through the ear with an extremely loud pop gun. "Put that thing down'" I shouted, not realizing that I was so loud over the ringing in my ear. "Guys just stay put and let Dad look at this stuff, OK?" It was of little use. Eventually, I just tuned it all out again.

We went over to the archery area. I needed a few miscellaneous items and the new Gobbler Guillotine turkey broadhead by Arrowdynamic Solutions. If you haven't had a chance to see this thing yet...please let me describe it with a classic Keanu Reeves line, "Whoa!" Follow the link to the Arrowdynamic Solutions web page, scroll down and watch the video. Heads are definately rolling. Short of my 12 ga Benelli with a Patternmaster choke, I don't think I've seen anything stop a turkey like these will. Now, if I can adjust my setup and make a neck shot...

They also had a try-before-you-buy turkey call table set up. Cool! I had to check it out. With the boys working every call they could get their hands on, I'm sure the other shoppers thought a whole messload of sick and dying turkeys had just been knocked off the roost. Through it all, however, I heard one that sounded really good. I shooed the boys away and had a better listen. Yep, that one sounded really good. I put it down and started looking at decoys. I needed to add a few to my flock anyway. Someone else took up the challenge of the try-before-you-buy calling table and there it was again, a call that really sounded like a hen. Soft purrs, raspy locater yelps, I really wanted this thing by now. So I started looking. The display wall was full of every kind of slate, glass, metal friction-type call imaginable. There it is...the Woodhaven Custom Legends Series...SIXTY FREAKIN' DOLLARS! That has to be the most expensive call in the store! Well, almost, the same call in a camo pattern is $80.00. I didn't manage to get it into the cart...yet.

Remember wife, BG, love of my life...she had had enough and had proceeded to the check out lane without me. When I arrived, she announced that that she had already payed for the items in the cart and anything left in my hand would have to be purchased separately. "WHAT? I guess your ready to go, huh?" I may have been dejected, but there was no going back into the store. She was ready to leave.

In the end, I got most of what I came for. We all had a good time, at least I think we did. However, I can't say that a Cabela's trip is looming anytime in the near future. But I'm stoaked for turkey season and its right around the corner!